App State Loses Last Line Of Defense Against Coterie Of Local Supervillains
January 24th, 2025
BOONE - It is with heavy hearts that we inform you that App State’s very own Spider-Man has announced his retirement in an address published by one Y. Yosef Yeomen for the Daily Boone. For two years, the black-and-yellow clad webslinger has brought cheer to many a ‘Neer. In his time, he unstuck three AppalCART buses from ditches, delivered dozens of Hungry Howie's pizzas by web, and kept balaclava-wearing crowbar-carrying jewelry thieves off of King Street.
However, with his retirement, we also regret to inform you that you can expect a significant uptick in sightings of local villains such as the Antagonistic Pond Duck, the vexing magician Appalnetio, Shitty Indie Band, Pike, and his folklore archnemesis, Mothman.
We salute the App State Spider-Man for his service to this academic backwater. Double your weekend double shot for the webslinger tonight.
However, with his retirement, we also regret to inform you that you can expect a significant uptick in sightings of local villains such as the Antagonistic Pond Duck, the vexing magician Appalnetio, Shitty Indie Band, Pike, and his folklore archnemesis, Mothman.
We salute the App State Spider-Man for his service to this academic backwater. Double your weekend double shot for the webslinger tonight.