Anthropology Majors Reportedly No-Clipping Into The Belkrooms
September 4th, 2026
ANNE BELK HALL - The human mind is naturally wired to recognize the ‘unknown’ as a sign of danger. Something we do not understand becomes our biggest fear; it becomes a daunting thought in the back of our minds. The Appalachian Mountains are often regarded as a prime example of the ‘unknown,’ riddled with inexplicable occurrences throughout the centuries. Appalachian State is slowly becoming a domain of anomalies, especially in light of recent events.
We have had a development with the labyrinthian, shitass academic building known as Anne Belk. In the past, the former library has claimed numerous souls who starved or went mad within its never-ending maze, in large part due to its shitass vague directories. This tradition of bloodlust continues with several students reporting anthropology majors “no-clipping” through structures on the third floor. To ascertain more information, the Rotten Appal Field Team interviewed several students and professors who witnessed these events firsthand. Due to the traumatic nature of these occurrences, they will remain anonymous.
Anonymous Freshman
“Yeah man, my friend was the one who ‘no-clipped’ at Anne Belk. He was recently introduced to Skate 3 on the Xbox 360. This led him down a rabbit hole of wanting to skate in real life. This asshole thought it was a wise idea to do the ‘Municipal Death Rail’ as his first trick. Bro landed face first and fell through the floor. I haven’t seen him since.”
Anonymous Professor
“I had just finished class, and everyone was rushing through the building as per usual. However, I noticed one of my students got pushed on the way out, and he went through the wall! It was a very unfortunate sequence of events, but I don’t really care. He was a jackass who didn’t pay attention and clearly skimmed through the readings I assigned. Ever since I began tenure, I have lost all faith in these students.”
Anonymous Senior
“I only caught a glimpse of the student ‘no-clipping’ on the third floor. But hey, on the bright side, with every new person that goes missing, the horrid smell that consistently violates me slowly disappears. All things considered, I give two comically large thumbs up!”
This is a developing story. Look out for more Belkrooms tomfoolery as the Field Team ventures further into the Lovecraftian nightmare.
We have had a development with the labyrinthian, shitass academic building known as Anne Belk. In the past, the former library has claimed numerous souls who starved or went mad within its never-ending maze, in large part due to its shitass vague directories. This tradition of bloodlust continues with several students reporting anthropology majors “no-clipping” through structures on the third floor. To ascertain more information, the Rotten Appal Field Team interviewed several students and professors who witnessed these events firsthand. Due to the traumatic nature of these occurrences, they will remain anonymous.
Anonymous Freshman
“Yeah man, my friend was the one who ‘no-clipped’ at Anne Belk. He was recently introduced to Skate 3 on the Xbox 360. This led him down a rabbit hole of wanting to skate in real life. This asshole thought it was a wise idea to do the ‘Municipal Death Rail’ as his first trick. Bro landed face first and fell through the floor. I haven’t seen him since.”
Anonymous Professor
“I had just finished class, and everyone was rushing through the building as per usual. However, I noticed one of my students got pushed on the way out, and he went through the wall! It was a very unfortunate sequence of events, but I don’t really care. He was a jackass who didn’t pay attention and clearly skimmed through the readings I assigned. Ever since I began tenure, I have lost all faith in these students.”
Anonymous Senior
“I only caught a glimpse of the student ‘no-clipping’ on the third floor. But hey, on the bright side, with every new person that goes missing, the horrid smell that consistently violates me slowly disappears. All things considered, I give two comically large thumbs up!”
This is a developing story. Look out for more Belkrooms tomfoolery as the Field Team ventures further into the Lovecraftian nightmare.
