Catching Strays: Trump Accuses App State Students Of Eating Ducks During Debate
September 13th, 2024
PHILADELPHIA - In a shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump levied claims against App State students for eating the ducks in the school’s duck pond.
"They're eating the ducks, the people that came in, they're eating the ducks," said Trump in response to a question about immigration. He alleged to have witnessed the scene while on his trip through North Carolina, a key swing state in the upcoming election. "I was at a little place called the Tribbit Dining Hall, and folks, they're eating 'em straight out of the duck pond, and this is what's happening in our country, you see it, I see it, and it's a shame."
ABC News Moderator David Muir fact-checked this claim, stating only one duck had disappeared from the pond without a body being recovered. “Wrong, they swing them around and around by the necks and hit them against the trees,” the former president said in response during the debate. When App State made its official statement denying the incident, Mr. Trump had this to say on Truth Social:
“We all saw it. Terrible things happening on that pond and the ducks were doing more of the dirty than normal because they know they don’t have much time left. I hear they have the Clam. Take America Back!”
The Rotten Appal Field Team immediately took to investigating these claims that have since shook App State students and faculty.
“I’m just shocked,” lamented Amelia Johnson, a self-identified duck pond conservationist and senior biology student. “I spend time with our beautiful ducks nearly every day and have never once desired their flesh in any capacity,” said Johnson, clearly overcome with emotions.
“Y’know, lots of cultures treat duck as a delicacy,” said Owen Perriera, a Philosophy major. Perriera made sure we also included his minor, Medieval Studies. “It is a meal for dukes, not for journeymen, so I never thought anything of it. But it should be no surprise that people make such virile conquests even when food is abundant in our great meal hall. Such is the way of the western man; he seldom knows his station.”
Our field team’s next stop was Central Dining Hall, where Rotten Appal journalists continued investigating another possible source of the former President’s claim. What we uncovered was shocking.
“All the foods served at App State's dining halls is sourced from trustworthy and vetted wholesale partners,” said a spokesperson at the office.
On the contrary, an anonymous App State chef who spoke with us had this to say: “You thought these tenders are ALL chicken?”
"They're eating the ducks, the people that came in, they're eating the ducks," said Trump in response to a question about immigration. He alleged to have witnessed the scene while on his trip through North Carolina, a key swing state in the upcoming election. "I was at a little place called the Tribbit Dining Hall, and folks, they're eating 'em straight out of the duck pond, and this is what's happening in our country, you see it, I see it, and it's a shame."
ABC News Moderator David Muir fact-checked this claim, stating only one duck had disappeared from the pond without a body being recovered. “Wrong, they swing them around and around by the necks and hit them against the trees,” the former president said in response during the debate. When App State made its official statement denying the incident, Mr. Trump had this to say on Truth Social:
“We all saw it. Terrible things happening on that pond and the ducks were doing more of the dirty than normal because they know they don’t have much time left. I hear they have the Clam. Take America Back!”
The Rotten Appal Field Team immediately took to investigating these claims that have since shook App State students and faculty.
“I’m just shocked,” lamented Amelia Johnson, a self-identified duck pond conservationist and senior biology student. “I spend time with our beautiful ducks nearly every day and have never once desired their flesh in any capacity,” said Johnson, clearly overcome with emotions.
“Y’know, lots of cultures treat duck as a delicacy,” said Owen Perriera, a Philosophy major. Perriera made sure we also included his minor, Medieval Studies. “It is a meal for dukes, not for journeymen, so I never thought anything of it. But it should be no surprise that people make such virile conquests even when food is abundant in our great meal hall. Such is the way of the western man; he seldom knows his station.”
Our field team’s next stop was Central Dining Hall, where Rotten Appal journalists continued investigating another possible source of the former President’s claim. What we uncovered was shocking.
“All the foods served at App State's dining halls is sourced from trustworthy and vetted wholesale partners,” said a spokesperson at the office.
On the contrary, an anonymous App State chef who spoke with us had this to say: “You thought these tenders are ALL chicken?”