Classes Canceled In Mass Outbreak Of First Week Ligma
March 17th, 2025
BOONE - As Boone said goodbye to the hordes of bumper-to-bumper parents and settled into the first week of classes, an entirely different plague found its way into the mountain town. Year after year, untold masses of students are crammed into an environment far cooler and more overpopulated than their hometowns: a perfect breeding ground for viruses. While they gather in tightly packed frat houses and shout down each other’s throats to share stories of their summers, they also share disease. “First week flu” has become a household term on App State campus around this time of year. But this time around is proving especially intriguing.
One student shared her experience with a scenario familiar to most of her peers: she awoke Tuesday morning to an email that her 9AM lecture had been canceled as the professor had tested positive for ligma. “I emailed back asking if we were gonna have Zoom class or anything,” she told our Rotten Appal correspondent, “but the only response I got was ‘ligma balls lmao.’ She didn’t even sign at the bottom.” Though the experience left far more questions than answers, the student told us she shrugged and went back to bed, the only appropriate response when one is informed that they don’t have to be on campus at 9AM.
Another perplexed student reported being told that, due to faculty illness, his language credit class was being swapped from German to Sugondese. When the student inquired as to what the hell that meant and whether there was an actual country called Sugonda, the language department chair reply-alled “Sugondese nuts!” to every single student currently enrolled in a foreign language class.
Visitors to campus have been advised by Interim Chancellor Norris to wear a mask, social distance when possible, and avoid face-to-face interaction with Candice. An additional notice published by Student Health Services urged readers not to ask who Candice is. The Rotten Appal wishes the ASU community a happy and healthy start to the school year.
One student shared her experience with a scenario familiar to most of her peers: she awoke Tuesday morning to an email that her 9AM lecture had been canceled as the professor had tested positive for ligma. “I emailed back asking if we were gonna have Zoom class or anything,” she told our Rotten Appal correspondent, “but the only response I got was ‘ligma balls lmao.’ She didn’t even sign at the bottom.” Though the experience left far more questions than answers, the student told us she shrugged and went back to bed, the only appropriate response when one is informed that they don’t have to be on campus at 9AM.
Another perplexed student reported being told that, due to faculty illness, his language credit class was being swapped from German to Sugondese. When the student inquired as to what the hell that meant and whether there was an actual country called Sugonda, the language department chair reply-alled “Sugondese nuts!” to every single student currently enrolled in a foreign language class.
Visitors to campus have been advised by Interim Chancellor Norris to wear a mask, social distance when possible, and avoid face-to-face interaction with Candice. An additional notice published by Student Health Services urged readers not to ask who Candice is. The Rotten Appal wishes the ASU community a happy and healthy start to the school year.