Heartbreaking: Moonshine Actually Tastes Like Shit
September 15th, 2025
THE HIGH COUNTRY - A piece of tragic news found its way to the Rotten Appal’s Food and Drink Department today. We are deeply apologetic to inform you that moonshine actually tastes like shit. Everyone knows the stories of High Country moonshining, a tradition passed down from the founding mothers and fathers of these lands through war and prohibition to the present day. Images of locals sipping on humble mason jars dripping with condensation on cool summer evenings and of stills pumping out the homegrown elixir come to mind. However, we are sad to inform you that upon a thorough review of three shots per person, we at the Food and Drink Department are confident in our report that moonshine tastes fucking terrible.
The taste is like isopropyl. Many among us did not finish the task. Alabaster, God rest his soul, wandered to his car and was never seen again. Most of our headaches never went away. Appalachian fanfare seems to have disguised this tragic reality, that a staple of the region equivalent in stature to Maine Lobster or Louisiana Gumbo actually makes you want to claw your esophagus out.
The taste is like isopropyl. Many among us did not finish the task. Alabaster, God rest his soul, wandered to his car and was never seen again. Most of our headaches never went away. Appalachian fanfare seems to have disguised this tragic reality, that a staple of the region equivalent in stature to Maine Lobster or Louisiana Gumbo actually makes you want to claw your esophagus out.