"It Can't Get Worse," Says Nation About To Learn That Yes, It Can
March 8th, 2025
WASHINGTON D.C. - As the Trump Administration continues to take root in Washington, many in the nation are reluctant to believe that things can get worse. However, they are in for a surprise, because, yes, it can get worse.
Unbeknownst to Republican hardliners and Democrats with their heads buried in the sand, there are whispers of new policies that are sure to make things worse. Among our favorite are:
Unbeknownst to Republican hardliners and Democrats with their heads buried in the sand, there are whispers of new policies that are sure to make things worse. Among our favorite are:
Metamorphosis Banned: |
The change of caterpillars and moths from larvae into their beautiful, colorful, true adult forms is scheduled to be banned within the United States within the next two weeks. A White House spokesperson said that the measure was to “End wokeness in our forests.”
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Guns in Schools Mandatory: |
The Trump Administration has declared that it intends to make guns mandatory in schools for both students and teachers. They will be held in carts like Chromebooks.
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Evolution Debunked: |
A secret document leaked to the press revealed that the Trump Administration plans to leak scientific proof that will debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution on Easter Sunday. As a matter of fact, the document alleges, evolution was never "bunked" to begin with.
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Armed Thugs in Cities: |
The Trump Administration plans to unconditionally “Back the Blue.”
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Reinstate DEI Programs
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A leaked insider tape revealed that President Trump intends to reinstate DEI programs nationwide just to reverse the decision again because he, “had so much fun he just had to do it again.”
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Mandated Inefficiency: |
In accordance with DOGE policies, the federal government will be required to be fiscally irresponsible, surrender money to corporations and elites, and will have to keep any and all civilian-filed paperwork in a cabinet for a year before touching it.
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Keep your head hung high. But not too high. Looking whimsically into the open is scheduled to be cut by 50% next week. They’re calling it the biggest cut ever, in the history of cuts. It would be something to smile about, but pearly white smiles were banned yesterday evening.