Luke Combs Projectile Vomits Bright Green, Venomous Bile on Crowd
September 10th, 2021
BOONE, N.C. - Over 30,000 concert attendees shrieked in delight and mirth as country singer, Luke Combs, concluded one of his famous songs by unhinging his jaw and spewing neon green, highly venomous stomach bile onto the front rows of the crowd at Kidd Brewer Stadium. One concertgoer, a transfer sophomore from Pennsylvania, Christopher Wallace, told us he was "shocked and completely disgusted" by the dangerous display of deadly diaphragm dispelling, but his roommate, Hearth Books, standing next to him during the interview corrected him while showing off severe acidic burn injuries running down his arm, "This is just how we do things down south."
An hour before the show, the Luke Combs merch shop opened up and sold out within a half hour. The quickest sellers were the Combs-branded see-through umbrellas and ponchos, meant to protect concert-goers from his acid spit. On the ponchos, the front shows the signature, mediocre beard of the singer, while the back shows the same beard covered in green slime. Another big seller, the exclusive t-shirts, read "Luke Combs, Spew Your Hot, Rancid, Disgusting Stomach Acid All Over My Stupid, Slutty Visage!"
"It's just our culture," another student, junior Holden Overstone repeated, "the northerners can bleed from their nose at will, midwesterners can shoot their fingernails and toenails from their bodies like bullets, and bless his heart, Luke Combs is the best bile spewer this side of the coast."
During the interview, Wallace asked roommate Books if this ability is something exclusive to southerners, if it was something he could even do. Books told us, "Well, yeah, all of us can do it a little. But you saw it happen, the literal gallons he produced, there's a reason he's on a stage and we're in the audience."
"Honestly, I just can't believe it," Wallace concluded, "I can't believe Luke Combs seriously has the ability to shoot venomous bile out of his mouth."
An hour before the show, the Luke Combs merch shop opened up and sold out within a half hour. The quickest sellers were the Combs-branded see-through umbrellas and ponchos, meant to protect concert-goers from his acid spit. On the ponchos, the front shows the signature, mediocre beard of the singer, while the back shows the same beard covered in green slime. Another big seller, the exclusive t-shirts, read "Luke Combs, Spew Your Hot, Rancid, Disgusting Stomach Acid All Over My Stupid, Slutty Visage!"
"It's just our culture," another student, junior Holden Overstone repeated, "the northerners can bleed from their nose at will, midwesterners can shoot their fingernails and toenails from their bodies like bullets, and bless his heart, Luke Combs is the best bile spewer this side of the coast."
During the interview, Wallace asked roommate Books if this ability is something exclusive to southerners, if it was something he could even do. Books told us, "Well, yeah, all of us can do it a little. But you saw it happen, the literal gallons he produced, there's a reason he's on a stage and we're in the audience."
"Honestly, I just can't believe it," Wallace concluded, "I can't believe Luke Combs seriously has the ability to shoot venomous bile out of his mouth."