Office Of The CIO Sick Of Your Cybersecurity Ineptitudes
September 12th, 2025
GMAIL - The office of the CIO recently sent out a scalding but honest message about cybersecurity efforts at Appalachian State. Provided below is the email transcript.
"From the Chief Information Officer,
"Information Technology Services is aware of the increase in phishing attempts. Unfortunately, some of you keep handing over your passwords like it’s the ice cream machine in Central. Please stop feeding the hackers; they’re lactose intolerant.
"What you might not know is that the hackers aren’t shadowy figures overseas — it’s actually just us, the IT department. That’s right. We’ve been sending out fake phishing attempts for months, mainly to prove that most of you are too high to notice the difference between a legitimate email and a request for $50 in Applebee’s gift cards.
"For example, here are a few of the “attacks” we have sent:
"But since you guys keep wanting to allow the hackers to get into your accounts, then here is what you’re letting them view:
Remember: cybersecurity starts with you… which explains why we’re all screwed."
"From the Chief Information Officer,
"Information Technology Services is aware of the increase in phishing attempts. Unfortunately, some of you keep handing over your passwords like it’s the ice cream machine in Central. Please stop feeding the hackers; they’re lactose intolerant.
"What you might not know is that the hackers aren’t shadowy figures overseas — it’s actually just us, the IT department. That’s right. We’ve been sending out fake phishing attempts for months, mainly to prove that most of you are too high to notice the difference between a legitimate email and a request for $50 in Applebee’s gift cards.
"For example, here are a few of the “attacks” we have sent:
- Overdue library book, balance is $126.07
Dear Student, Our records indicate you did not return "Intro to Basket Weaving" (published 1973). Failure to pay this fine immediately will result in your vehicle being towed. Pay now with your university login and a prepaid Come Back Shack Giftcard. - Campus Dining Dining Dash Winner
Dear Esteemed Student,
Thank you for your past involvement in the Camp Dining Dash. You have won the $50 dining dollars. To claim these monies, please send a Cash App request to [email protected].
"But since you guys keep wanting to allow the hackers to get into your accounts, then here is what you’re letting them view:
- Your Grubhub orders
- Tuition statement (showing you're behind on payments and will be indebted to App State until you expire)
- All of the parking tickets you got
- When you linked your Tinder account to university email
- 5,000 unopened emails you have
- The emails you sent your professor asking to round your 72.3 up to an 80
- All of your Come Back Shack receipts
Remember: cybersecurity starts with you… which explains why we’re all screwed."