|
April 28th, 2021We'd like to introduce our readers to The Rotten Ask Hole, our newest gimmick in the struggle for relevancy! Here, readers can ask us deep, thought-provoking, or even personal questions, and we will answer them with the finest advice one could get from the smartest group of people on campus! Without further ado, let's check out our first questions!
|
Q:
"y do i have so many bitches on my dick?"
|
- pussymagnet
|
A:
That's poggers, dude.
Q:
"i cant stand these assignments anymore help me"
|
- burnt out bitch
|
A:
Once upon a time in the 1800s, a man named Phineas Gage was working on the railroad. Mr. Gage had an iron spike shoot directly up through and out the top of his skull. Remarkably, he survived, but with drastic personality changes. The severe damage to his frontal lobe caused him to forget about all his worries. He did what he wanted, traveled a lot for someone in the 1800s, and died at the age of 36 in San Francisco. He may have died young, but he died free. Get up from that desk and go get yourself an ice pick.
Q:
"My girlfriend just broke up with me out of the blue... I'm a total wreck, what should I do?"
|
- Oh! Lonesome Me
|
A:
Putting yourself back together again after your beloved fuck buddy breaks your heart is a long and arduous process. But, there are a multitude of ways to keep your mind occupied and avoid wallowing in the pitfalls of negative thoughts. You could start a new TV show, check out some hiking spots, or lose yourself in the immersive world-building adventure of Sim City 4.
You might question who you are at times, and that’s OK, breakups can sometimes feel like factory resets. But this gives you a chance to “redownload” yourself into a completely new person, with new hobbies and interests. Maybe you’ll take up painting? Is this a sign to start hitting the gym more often? Now that you have so much free time, why not spend it developing your rural village into a thriving metropolis?
If you’re in a dark place, reach out to some friends. It’s good to hear voices other than the ones in your head. Friends offer support, encouragement, and a good hype-up every now and then when you need it. Good pals can help you steer your life back on track, much like a board of advisors. You need to listen to your advisors if you want to attract industry and bring jobs to your citizens.
You might question who you are at times, and that’s OK, breakups can sometimes feel like factory resets. But this gives you a chance to “redownload” yourself into a completely new person, with new hobbies and interests. Maybe you’ll take up painting? Is this a sign to start hitting the gym more often? Now that you have so much free time, why not spend it developing your rural village into a thriving metropolis?
If you’re in a dark place, reach out to some friends. It’s good to hear voices other than the ones in your head. Friends offer support, encouragement, and a good hype-up every now and then when you need it. Good pals can help you steer your life back on track, much like a board of advisors. You need to listen to your advisors if you want to attract industry and bring jobs to your citizens.