Top 5 App State Sex Moves
September 13th, 2021
Looking to spice up your sex life? Wanna show some school spirit when you go to exchange bodily fluids with that special someone? Let us help you spice up your love life with these Yosef-approved ideas!
1. Grandfather Mountin’ - Many of you are already performing this titillating maneuver on a regular basis to pay tuition! To pull this off, all you need to do is get to fifth base with someone 55 or older. (Bonus points if they’re a professor.)
2. The Blowing Cock - This excerpt from the Kavasutra is pretty straightforward, but must be performed under very specific conditions. You must sneak onto the Blowing Rock and engage in fellatio, using the wind that blows vertically up the rock to maintain the position, without getting detected by authorities. Honestly, having this on your rap sheet sounds kind of badass. And sexy. But mostly badass.
3. The How-her-d Knob - Please help. I’m being forced to crank out humorous clickbait and I’m so much better than this. I want out, but they confiscated my passport and driver’s license. If you are reading this, please send authorities to 301 Bodenheimer Dr, and tell my mother that I love her and I never meant to sink this low.
4. The Mile High Swinging Bridge - While logistically difficult to arrange, the payoff from the Mile High Swinging Bridge is unrivaled. To achieve the peak sex move on this list, you must arrange a swingers’ party that will hike to Calloway Peak, where the debauchery will commence.
5. Running a Tweetsie - This is the ultimate way of showing App State spirit! All you have to do is let the ‘Neers roll on you! By that, we mean let the entire football team, including the guy in the Yosef suit, make sweet, kinda gross, love to you in succession.
We here at the Rotten Appal hope this list will help you achieve new feats of sensual school spirit.
1. Grandfather Mountin’ - Many of you are already performing this titillating maneuver on a regular basis to pay tuition! To pull this off, all you need to do is get to fifth base with someone 55 or older. (Bonus points if they’re a professor.)
2. The Blowing Cock - This excerpt from the Kavasutra is pretty straightforward, but must be performed under very specific conditions. You must sneak onto the Blowing Rock and engage in fellatio, using the wind that blows vertically up the rock to maintain the position, without getting detected by authorities. Honestly, having this on your rap sheet sounds kind of badass. And sexy. But mostly badass.
3. The How-her-d Knob - Please help. I’m being forced to crank out humorous clickbait and I’m so much better than this. I want out, but they confiscated my passport and driver’s license. If you are reading this, please send authorities to 301 Bodenheimer Dr, and tell my mother that I love her and I never meant to sink this low.
4. The Mile High Swinging Bridge - While logistically difficult to arrange, the payoff from the Mile High Swinging Bridge is unrivaled. To achieve the peak sex move on this list, you must arrange a swingers’ party that will hike to Calloway Peak, where the debauchery will commence.
5. Running a Tweetsie - This is the ultimate way of showing App State spirit! All you have to do is let the ‘Neers roll on you! By that, we mean let the entire football team, including the guy in the Yosef suit, make sweet, kinda gross, love to you in succession.
We here at the Rotten Appal hope this list will help you achieve new feats of sensual school spirit.