Top Five Misdemeanors To Welcome Fall
October 21st, 2024
BOONE - Fall is in the air, and the locals of Boone just can’t wait to start breaking the law as soon as possible. Here at the Rotten Appal, we’ve tabulated the top minor crimes and petty misdeeds that you and your friends can partake in to welcome the season.
1. Make fake HOA flyers and hang them up on people’s doors - It’s barely even a crime and most organizations won’t prosecute. Just a minor solicitation law is all that stands in the way to alerting your neighbors about something that didn’t even happen. Just use a passive aggressive tone when you’re writing to make it seem legit!
2. Call in a fake bigfoot sighting to ‘Finding Bigfoot’ TV show - It just doesn’t feel like autumn unless you’re tricking the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization into coming to your town to investigate a potential bigfoot sighting. Think about it; you’re college educated, you’ve rehearsed your story with an accomplice, and if you can mask your giggles, it won’t be apparent that you’re doing hard drugs. Just call up Matt Moneymaker and his boys down at Animal Planet and tell them your crackpot story, and they should be chomping at the bit to put you on TV.
3. Stealing - Just some good old-fashioned shoplifting. Go down to your local big box stores and pick up something less than $200 and pretty soon you’ll be walking down King Street with your “first” illegitimately procured item of the season.
4. Drive the construction equipment - Trespass on a nearby construction sight and walk into any vehicle and you’re more than likely to find the keys in the ignition. Maybe you can drive it home and add a spooky zombie’s grave to your lawn decoration. Most construction sites are legally required to have at least one fire extinguisher so round that thing up and let loose on it to create an eerie rolling fog that the kids will love to play in.
5. Throw a big stick under someone riding a OneWheel - One of the greatest pastimes of all time. This is an activity that’s fun for the whole gang! Everyone wants to see one of those guys eat it. Bring some lawn chairs, pour yourself a glass of warm apple cider, and watch some kid eat concrete. Cheers!
1. Make fake HOA flyers and hang them up on people’s doors - It’s barely even a crime and most organizations won’t prosecute. Just a minor solicitation law is all that stands in the way to alerting your neighbors about something that didn’t even happen. Just use a passive aggressive tone when you’re writing to make it seem legit!
2. Call in a fake bigfoot sighting to ‘Finding Bigfoot’ TV show - It just doesn’t feel like autumn unless you’re tricking the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization into coming to your town to investigate a potential bigfoot sighting. Think about it; you’re college educated, you’ve rehearsed your story with an accomplice, and if you can mask your giggles, it won’t be apparent that you’re doing hard drugs. Just call up Matt Moneymaker and his boys down at Animal Planet and tell them your crackpot story, and they should be chomping at the bit to put you on TV.
3. Stealing - Just some good old-fashioned shoplifting. Go down to your local big box stores and pick up something less than $200 and pretty soon you’ll be walking down King Street with your “first” illegitimately procured item of the season.
4. Drive the construction equipment - Trespass on a nearby construction sight and walk into any vehicle and you’re more than likely to find the keys in the ignition. Maybe you can drive it home and add a spooky zombie’s grave to your lawn decoration. Most construction sites are legally required to have at least one fire extinguisher so round that thing up and let loose on it to create an eerie rolling fog that the kids will love to play in.
5. Throw a big stick under someone riding a OneWheel - One of the greatest pastimes of all time. This is an activity that’s fun for the whole gang! Everyone wants to see one of those guys eat it. Bring some lawn chairs, pour yourself a glass of warm apple cider, and watch some kid eat concrete. Cheers!