Top Five Tastiest Pets
September 13th, 2024
"Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.” - Anthony Bourdain
BOONE - Our very own Rotten Appal Culinary Expert's list of the top five tastiest pets.
Number 5 - Dachshund
Known culinarily as the “Wiener Dog”, the dachshund has a delightfully meaty taste and fantastic marbling. While tough if cooked hot and fast, they are coincidentally best enjoyed in sausage form. With my Nona’s Secret Spice Blend, a meat grinder, and some elbow grease, this meal could be yours for only as much courage as it takes to hop a fence and get away clean
Known culinarily as the “Wiener Dog”, the dachshund has a delightfully meaty taste and fantastic marbling. While tough if cooked hot and fast, they are coincidentally best enjoyed in sausage form. With my Nona’s Secret Spice Blend, a meat grinder, and some elbow grease, this meal could be yours for only as much courage as it takes to hop a fence and get away clean
Number 4 - Guinealess Pig
Known as Cachon sans-guinea in the south of France, this is for the meat lover in your life who will eat just about anything. Today the dullard companion of unwashed rural children, few remember its gastronomic uses. It has a smooth, if not rubbery, texture and is more than filling. The humbler glutton might make cracklings of its mud-caked skin. Best served with an apple in its maw.
Known as Cachon sans-guinea in the south of France, this is for the meat lover in your life who will eat just about anything. Today the dullard companion of unwashed rural children, few remember its gastronomic uses. It has a smooth, if not rubbery, texture and is more than filling. The humbler glutton might make cracklings of its mud-caked skin. Best served with an apple in its maw.
Number 3 - Capuchin Monkey (from Butcher Greg)
Nothing like a primate to get the foodie’s wheels turning. With prehensile tails, terrible attitudes, and a horrid face to top it off, these little creatures make you feel GOOD about turning their life force into a food source. I don’t trust anyone with my monkey meat unless it's my butcher, Greg. Want to find him? Good luck pal. Make your own connections. No such thing as a free lunch.
Nothing like a primate to get the foodie’s wheels turning. With prehensile tails, terrible attitudes, and a horrid face to top it off, these little creatures make you feel GOOD about turning their life force into a food source. I don’t trust anyone with my monkey meat unless it's my butcher, Greg. Want to find him? Good luck pal. Make your own connections. No such thing as a free lunch.
Number 2 - Guinea Pig
Whatever ‘guineaing” is, it makes a critter damn tasty. Unlike their squalid counterparts, guinea pigs are no-fuss Andean pockets of deliciousness. Que Sabroso! Keep them on ice and wrap them in foil for an even char. Prepare them al carbon and before you know it, you’ll be using their whiskers to floss out tiny piggy toes.
Whatever ‘guineaing” is, it makes a critter damn tasty. Unlike their squalid counterparts, guinea pigs are no-fuss Andean pockets of deliciousness. Que Sabroso! Keep them on ice and wrap them in foil for an even char. Prepare them al carbon and before you know it, you’ll be using their whiskers to floss out tiny piggy toes.
Number 1 - Bearded Dragon
Don't even BOTHER cooking these hard-scaled suckers if you're unwilling to use an open flame or have less than an armful. With a hard outer shell and an exotic umami inside, just one of these Aussie indulgences will leave you wanting more, more, MORE. Crack one open, pass it to your best pal, and watch these little lizards make you the talk of the town.
Don't even BOTHER cooking these hard-scaled suckers if you're unwilling to use an open flame or have less than an armful. With a hard outer shell and an exotic umami inside, just one of these Aussie indulgences will leave you wanting more, more, MORE. Crack one open, pass it to your best pal, and watch these little lizards make you the talk of the town.