Yosef Sexually Confused After Encounter With Slutty Yosef Costume
October 28, 2020
BOONE, NC – After returning from a wild night of Halloween festivities, beloved Mountaineer mascot Yosef was left feeling conflicted and “in a weird place” after dancing with a slutty costumed version of himself at a party.
“I was pretty buzzed, just vibin’, and saw some chick across the room,” Yosef recollected, sitting alone in deep contemplation with a half-full PBR at the Boone Saloon. “She was absolutely stunning. Black boots. Plaid shirt. And the way her ass looked in those suspended booty shorts, oh my God.”
According to the mascot, he then proceeded to make his move.
“I walked up to her and was like, ‘Hey babe, shake your rear for the ‘Neer?’ She turned around, wearing a fake beard and a hat, and I was like, ‘Alright, she’s just a shitty Abe Lincoln or something.’ But then I saw the pipe.”
Rotten Appal correspondents reached out to Liz Yarrow, the donner of the slutty costume in question.
“I turned around, and right there was fucking Yosef, reaching his hands out. I turned around and gave him a high five, but he looked absolutely shocked for some reason, and just walked out.”
“Like, it gets more fucked up the more I think about it,” slurred Yosef, still at the Boone Saloon downing a beer and deer. “I only reached like half-chub, but it was to someone dressed as me. Is it gay? Is it incest? Is it just healthy self-love? I just want someone to tell me what’s up with that.”
As of press time, the mortified mascot has reportedly used up all of his free counseling sessions, reportedly resorting to just hitting the sauce and venting to disinterested bartenders all day.
“I was pretty buzzed, just vibin’, and saw some chick across the room,” Yosef recollected, sitting alone in deep contemplation with a half-full PBR at the Boone Saloon. “She was absolutely stunning. Black boots. Plaid shirt. And the way her ass looked in those suspended booty shorts, oh my God.”
According to the mascot, he then proceeded to make his move.
“I walked up to her and was like, ‘Hey babe, shake your rear for the ‘Neer?’ She turned around, wearing a fake beard and a hat, and I was like, ‘Alright, she’s just a shitty Abe Lincoln or something.’ But then I saw the pipe.”
Rotten Appal correspondents reached out to Liz Yarrow, the donner of the slutty costume in question.
“I turned around, and right there was fucking Yosef, reaching his hands out. I turned around and gave him a high five, but he looked absolutely shocked for some reason, and just walked out.”
“Like, it gets more fucked up the more I think about it,” slurred Yosef, still at the Boone Saloon downing a beer and deer. “I only reached like half-chub, but it was to someone dressed as me. Is it gay? Is it incest? Is it just healthy self-love? I just want someone to tell me what’s up with that.”
As of press time, the mortified mascot has reportedly used up all of his free counseling sessions, reportedly resorting to just hitting the sauce and venting to disinterested bartenders all day.